On competition

You know that feeling. You’re on a work call and you know, just know, that there’s another woman on the call scrutinizing everything you say. Looking for holes in your presentation. Waiting enthusiastically to jump in and add her piece and how she can make it better. And you’re at once either super irritated, intimidated, or defensive. Sometimes it’s all three.

I’ve been on that call more times than I can count. And I have been both the recipient and the perpetrator. And for a long time I thought they were bad or I was bad. But then I figured out what’s really going on. We have all been forced into a scarcity mindset. Women aren’t being hired in droves at senior levels. We see that and we automatically think — there is only room for one of us to shine here. And even when women are in the top spot, they are rarely allowed to own their space. They are often co-leads or collaborators. And they have to outshine their partners, compete with their friends.

But what if we took a step back in the moment? And when you’re on that call, ready to eat or be eaten, you think — she doesn’t want to be this way. She’s scared, fighting for the scraps that we think we have. Part of a system that pits us against each other, dimming each other’s light and making the entire place less of a glow. What if that woman on the call isn’t your enemy, just another woman in corporate desperately trying to vie for a significance that the system never gave her? And you are the same.

If I take a step back and see it for what it is, I know corporate is making a huge mistake. Pitting employees against each other to see who will end up with the best product may work very short term, but eventually you have more people guarding their secrets to make themselves indispensable than driving ingenuity.

So let’s build cultures where women have lots of seats at the table. Where they don’t have to fight for a few top spots. And maybe let’s call it out openly and say — we will reward team leaders who create environments of prosperity. Who draw out their own talents and the talents of others. Who fight for the organization and not just their space in it. Let’s reward the people who can sit on that call and resist the urge to defend or deflect. Let’s reward those people who can get on that call, acknowledge the system, and move in a way that raises everyone’s performance to the next level, together.